Before a “how-to” on celebrating Pops, some pictures:
Now, the list of celebratory options:
Level One — Affectionate Wannabe
Read 6 (Bill Russell) pages of a book. (Preferably something that would “put some meat on your head.”)
Text with old friends while watching the Mariners’ playoff game.
Tell this joke at an inopportune time: “What do you get for dinner when you marry a Jew? Reservations!”
Listen to the song “What I Like About You” by The Romantics while doing chores.
Eat a vegetarian burrito. When you finish, say: “That what was a wicked pissah sandwich!” in your best Boston accent.
Level Two — Almost Acolyte
Read 33 (Larry Bird) pages of a book.
Eat an entire cheese pizza. When you finish it, say: “Can’t get this in Oregon! All we got there is shit on a shingle!” in your best Boston accent.
Play basketball. Shoot a lot.
Watch a Bourne movie.
Sing a satirical love song to a person you love (to understand this instruction better, please refer to Slide Two of my Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/EmmettjOMalley/posts/pfbid029pEw9QtMXYvdhMUm6KzWnCZrL25zeH9REnv3pReRgzwbJpckmo1t9kYVYpaLKTu7l?notif_id=1665243912066300¬if_t=feedback_reaction_generic&ref=notif).
Level Three — Honest O’Malley-ite
Read 67 (the year of Yaz’s Triple Crown) pages of a book.
Exercise for at least one hour – and with psychotic intensity. After just one glass of water, while still sweating, eat (at least) a pint of ice cream (preferably Ben & Jerry’s).
Remind a person (preferably random) that “You don’t know your ass from a hole in the wall until you’re thirty.”
Instead of calling someone attractive, say: “Yaknow, a Quincy Boy would think she was cute.”
Watch all three Bourne movies (and insist there are only three).
Level Four — Damn Degenerate
Read at least 100 pages of a book and send me a long text about it.
Watch an entire NBA basketball game (preferably a 1980’s rerun), text four friends that it reminded you of them, then watch The Big Lebowski (1998). You must stay on the floor for this entire activity (food breaks are permissible).
Pick the most pretentious person you can think of/find and crop dust (fart on/near) them.
If you drink: Chug a Foster’s Lager (or similar tall-boy) in under 12 seconds.
If you don’t drink: Chug six Diet Cokes in under an hour.
Up Galway!
I wish I'd known your Dad, Emmett. Having said that, I am guessing that this writing shows that you are indeed your father's son. He'd be wicked proud. Please give your mom a BIG hug for me.
That's really funny! So many things I didn't know but can certainly imagine!